a willing spirit

Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit. 
Then I will teach transgressors Your ways and sinners will return to You. (Psalm 51:12-13)

When the want-to returns, the trembling comes with it.
I know the call well. I loved it so. But now…
A bit harder to walk forward as bold- as prideful- now that I know how very far one can fall. How very far I can fall. But Your call is irrevocable. Isn’t it?

So the call remains.
The gifting is the same.

When You restore to me the joy of Your salvation, and uphold me with a fresh want-to, then I teach transgressors, like me, Your ways. Not because I walk so well in them. On the contrary. Because I know how very near the ditch can be and how very slick it’s edge is.

HEY, COME AWAY FROM THERE! LOOK! THAT’S A DITCH!

That’s it…just pointing out where the ditch is and how to keep from it.
Same thing I, myself, am learning, even still. Oh, even still.

Sacrificing to You my broken spirit, my broken and contrite heart. I have nothing to offer but that Lord. A messed up want-to, a broken sinful heart, neediness, insecurity, emptiness…but You are the Filler. The One who comes to fully fill every place. To change the want-to. To restore the joy. To make a spirit willing again.

You make the weak offering, the broken heart and the messed up want-to into a beautiful offering, a valuable sacrifice and a useful tool in the hands of the Master.

The gifting didn’t change, the call hasn’t been revoked, so is the servant heart willing?

Uphold me with a willing spirit.

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