Who are You Holding Onto?

It was a beautiful spring evening in April when the tragic realization hit me, I had no power to hold my marriage together. Somehow in the back of my mind for the previous 15 years, I had convinced myself that indeed it fell to me and my manipulation or control somehow.

Having grown up a child of divorce, my mind reeled at the thought of what it would mean for my children if I stepped out of this marriage for good. I found myself broken into ten thousand pieces, crying on the carpet of my dark walk-in closet, begging God to intervene.

Who could possibly hold us together at this point? So many years of selfishness, insecurity, distrust and fear collided in a moment and that spring day the house of cards came crashing down.

The weeks that followed were filled with distance and coldness between us. Barely greeting one another, speaking only to the children, spending time away from home in order to keep from having to see each other. The enemy seemed to have crept into our marriage unnoticed and then stood up suddenly with fiery control as he dished out temptations and traps for both of us. We jumped head first into them, desperate to numb the intensity of it all.

Weeks turned to months and the heat of summer seem to penetrate into my man and into me. In the midst of the dark instability, the Lord took hold of me and He took hold of my man.

God did a miracle. I do not, to this day several years later, even know why He had this grace on us. We, my husband and I, CERTAINLY did not deserve it. But I guess that’s why it’s grace.

The work that the Lord began when we turned our lives over to Him two and a half decades before, was suddenly becoming obvious as He opened our eyes to see a new thing.

Marriage is not about having and holding another person as long as you both shall live. We will never, in our own strength, be able to hold onto them well enough, long enough, or healthy enough. Fifteen years of trying proved that.

Marriage, as created by its originator, is the daily act of holding and being held by the One who holds all things together. When we hold to Him and trust Him with the rest, He makes Himself evident to us and through us, regardless of whether the marriage is held or not.

He is before all things and in Him all things hold together. Colossians 1:17

This morning again, I gave thanks for my man of 21 years, who held my face and kissed me good bye before work. A healed marriage that should not have been, except for the grip of the One, who holdfast to each of us by His grace.

Regardless where you are in your own testimony of marriage, He holds you, if you are His. Give thanks for that reality and trust Him with the rest.


About Me

I’m Mariel & I invite you to greater intimacy with God through His Word for yourself, using my TEND method of Bible study.

32 thoughts on “Who are You Holding Onto?”

  1. I love this idea of the “testimony of marriage.” In today’s world where it’s so common to see divorce and brokenness, a continued marriage really is a reflection of God’s grace.

    Amie, FMF #16

  2. “Marriage, as created by its originator, is the daily act of holding and being held by the One who holds all things together” – I’ve never thought of it like this before. Great insights Mariel. Thank you for sharing your story.

  3. Wow. Just…wow.

    Been there, too.

    When it’s all been broken,
    when the angels cry,
    when the last word spoken
    can only be “Goodbye”,
    when the darkness is a-drifting
    through intertices of the soul,
    when it’s only shards you’re sifting
    of a vase that once was whole,
    that is when the mighty Surgeon
    can lay out His instruments;
    He needs from you no urging,
    to begin deliverance,
    but to carry out the mission
    He really does need your permision.

  4. I’m reading a really good book on marriage counseling right now–the author’s premise is that we go into marriage for the wrong reason (self), when we should be marrying to glorify God. It sure helps me think about marriage and my role as a married person differently!

    • sounds like a book I read years ago saying the same thing. I can’t recall the name off hand, but it helped to shift my perspective off self and my off my husband and onto the Lord. Makes ALL the difference!

  5. God can do amazing things. I am glad to read how he healed your marriage. If He only gave his grace to those who deserved it, his abundant grace would never be given out! We are all undeserving, yet we receive grace on a regular basis.

  6. I thank God for your transparency. I really needed to read this today. It gives me hope. My God continue to bless your marriage and family.

  7. Guess I needed a good little cry this morning! I desperately held on to my first marriage for 14 years, through infidelity and abuse. Long story short God saved me and my son out of a very dangerous situation. A much different outcome than your story but nonetheless God was holding us and continues to hold us. I am so thankful that the Lord worked in your marriage to restore it for His glory! What a blessing for you, your husband and your children!

    The Lord has blessed me with a wonderful husband who loves the Lord and cherishes me and my son. Even though this marriage is so different than my first I know I will never forget that it is God who is holding us by his wonderful grace and mercy.


    • Praise God for bringing you and your son out of such a dangerous situation and into such a much better situation where you see His hand. Not every situation is best for us to remain in, as you experienced. Thank you for sharingnyour testimony of His grace in your life.

  8. Praise God for how He healed your marriage! What an amazing story. And you’re so right- we often think holding tighter is the answer when it’s better to loosen our hold and give it to God!

    • Amen! That’s it, Bethany, because letting it go is letting God take over. Doesn’t mean it works out the way we want, but it does keep us near Him and that’s the win❤


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