It was a beautiful spring evening in April when the tragic realization hit me, I had no power to hold my marriage together. Somehow in the back of my mind for the previous 15 years, I had convinced myself that indeed it fell to me and my manipulation or control somehow.
Having grown up a child of divorce, my mind reeled at the thought of what it would mean for my children if I stepped out of this marriage for good. I found myself broken into ten thousand pieces, crying on the carpet of my dark walk-in closet, begging God to intervene.
Who could possibly hold us together at this point? So many years of selfishness, insecurity, distrust and fear collided in a moment and that spring day the house of cards came crashing down.
The weeks that followed were filled with distance and coldness between us. Barely greeting one another, speaking only to the children, spending time away from home in order to keep from having to see each other. The enemy seemed to have crept into our marriage unnoticed and then stood up suddenly with fiery control as he dished out temptations and traps for both of us. We jumped head first into them, desperate to numb the intensity of it all.
Weeks turned to months and the heat of summer seem to penetrate into my man and into me. In the midst of the dark instability, the Lord took hold of me and He took hold of my man.
God did a miracle. I do not, to this day several years later, even know why He had this grace on us. We, my husband and I, CERTAINLY did not deserve it. But I guess that’s why it’s grace.
The work that the Lord began when we turned our lives over to Him two and a half decades before, was suddenly becoming obvious as He opened our eyes to see a new thing.
Marriage is not about having and holding another person as long as you both shall live. We will never, in our own strength, be able to hold onto them well enough, long enough, or healthy enough. Fifteen years of trying proved that.
Marriage, as created by its originator, is the daily act of holding and being held by the One who holds all things together. When we hold to Him and trust Him with the rest, He makes Himself evident to us and through us, regardless of whether the marriage is held or not.
He is before all things and in Him all things hold together. Colossians 1:17
This morning again, I gave thanks for my man of 21 years, who held my face and kissed me good bye before work. A healed marriage that should not have been, except for the grip of the One, who holdfast to each of us by His grace.
Regardless where you are in your own testimony of marriage, He holds you, if you are His. Give thanks for that reality and trust Him with the rest.
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