It was a beautiful spring evening in April when the tragic realization hit me, I had no power to hold my marriage together. Somehow in the back of my mind for the previous 15 years, I had convinced myself that indeed it fell to me and my manipulation or control somehow.
Having grown up a child of divorce, my mind reeled at the thought of what it would mean for my children if I stepped out of this marriage for good. I found myself broken into ten thousand pieces, crying on the carpet of my dark walk-in closet, begging God to intervene.
Who could possibly hold us together at this point? So many years of selfishness, insecurity, distrust and fear collided in a moment and that spring day the house of cards came crashing down.
The weeks that followed were filled with distance and coldness between us. Barely greeting one another, speaking only to the children, spending time away from home in order to keep from having to see each other. The enemy seemed to have crept into our marriage unnoticed and then stood up suddenly with fiery control as he dished out temptations and traps for both of us. We jumped head first into them, desperate to numb the intensity of it all.
Weeks turned to months and the heat of summer seem to penetrate into my man and into me. In the midst of the dark instability, the Lord took hold of me and He took hold of my man.
God did a miracle. I do not, to this day several years later, even know why He had this grace on us. We, my husband and I, CERTAINLY did not deserve it. But I guess that’s why it’s grace.
The work that the Lord began when we turned our lives over to Him two and a half decades before, was suddenly becoming obvious as He opened our eyes to see a new thing.
Marriage is not about having and holding another person as long as you both shall live. We will never, in our own strength, be able to hold onto them well enough, long enough, or healthy enough. Fifteen years of trying proved that.
Marriage, as created by its originator, is the daily act of holding and being held by the One who holds all things together. When we hold to Him and trust Him with the rest, He makes Himself evident to us and through us, regardless of whether the marriage is held or not.
He is before all things and in Him all things hold together. Colossians 1:17
This morning again, I gave thanks for my man of 21 years, who held my face and kissed me good bye before work. A healed marriage that should not have been, except for the grip of the One, who holdfast to each of us by His grace.
Regardless where you are in your own testimony of marriage, He holds you, if you are His. Give thanks for that reality and trust Him with the rest.
Grace: the only explanation. I have a very similar story. Always enjoy IRL stories!
amen, we are undeserving and He is so gracious!
This is such a beautiful story! I love your testimony of God’s grace!
thank you, lesley <3
I love this idea of the “testimony of marriage.” In today’s world where it’s so common to see divorce and brokenness, a continued marriage really is a reflection of God’s grace.
Amie, FMF #16
Very true. I think He intends for that to be the case. Thank you for reading.
“Marriage, as created by its originator, is the daily act of holding and being held by the One who holds all things together” – I’ve never thought of it like this before. Great insights Mariel. Thank you for sharing your story.
Grateful it blessed you, dear Wemi.
Wow. Just…wow.
Been there, too.
When it’s all been broken,
when the angels cry,
when the last word spoken
can only be “Goodbye”,
when the darkness is a-drifting
through intertices of the soul,
when it’s only shards you’re sifting
of a vase that once was whole,
that is when the mighty Surgeon
can lay out His instruments;
He needs from you no urging,
to begin deliverance,
but to carry out the mission
He really does need your permision.
Thank you for your words, Andrew.
I’m reading a really good book on marriage counseling right now–the author’s premise is that we go into marriage for the wrong reason (self), when we should be marrying to glorify God. It sure helps me think about marriage and my role as a married person differently!
sounds like a book I read years ago saying the same thing. I can’t recall the name off hand, but it helped to shift my perspective off self and my off my husband and onto the Lord. Makes ALL the difference!
Aww your openness and honesty in this is so endearing. You use your story so well to highlight the grace none of us deserve yet is given so freely God bless x
Aw, thank you for those kind words. Grateful it blessed you, Loretta!
God can do amazing things. I am glad to read how he healed your marriage. If He only gave his grace to those who deserved it, his abundant grace would never be given out! We are all undeserving, yet we receive grace on a regular basis.
This is a powerful testimony, Mariel! Thank you for your willingness to share it!
You’re welcome, so grateful it blessed you❤
Such a beautiful story it’s such a blessing. Thank you so much for sharing. ( Visit from FMF #21)
Grateful it blessed you ❤️
I thank God for your transparency. I really needed to read this today. It gives me hope. My God continue to bless your marriage and family.
Grateful it blessed you, Carol. ❤
Guess I needed a good little cry this morning! I desperately held on to my first marriage for 14 years, through infidelity and abuse. Long story short God saved me and my son out of a very dangerous situation. A much different outcome than your story but nonetheless God was holding us and continues to hold us. I am so thankful that the Lord worked in your marriage to restore it for His glory! What a blessing for you, your husband and your children!
The Lord has blessed me with a wonderful husband who loves the Lord and cherishes me and my son. Even though this marriage is so different than my first I know I will never forget that it is God who is holding us by his wonderful grace and mercy.
Love,
Annie
Praise God for bringing you and your son out of such a dangerous situation and into such a much better situation where you see His hand. Not every situation is best for us to remain in, as you experienced. Thank you for sharingnyour testimony of His grace in your life.
Beautiful testimony. Thanks for sharing your story.
(visiting from #39)
thank you for reading!
Praise God for how He healed your marriage! What an amazing story. And you’re so right- we often think holding tighter is the answer when it’s better to loosen our hold and give it to God!
Amen! That’s it, Bethany, because letting it go is letting God take over. Doesn’t mean it works out the way we want, but it does keep us near Him and that’s the win❤
What an awesome testimony! I’d love to hear more about how God healed your marriage.
Thank you, Cassie, glad it encouraged you.
A lovely testimony of God’s amazing grace. You have testified amazing courage. Thank you for your transparency. You are sowing with good seeds!
thank you for the kind words. praise God for how He uses it!
Amen!